Bike Porn: This is how I roll.

Yeah, I have been pretty lazy lately. I have also been kinda loud and negative as well. While I have no intention of changing, I consider this my attempt at getting the Anger Monkey off my back for a day.

I figured today is a good a time as any to dig through my personal bike porn folder and show you how I roll.

Working at a Waterford dealer has its perks. Not only do I get to build some of their most beautiful custom bikes, I also get to build my own.  In December of 2012 I placed an order for my first Waterford product. A Gunnar Roadie. It started as a diagram on a piece of paper and became more than I could have ever hoped for. Let me take you on the journey...

It was the day after Christmas, and we closed up the shop to take a field trip to Waterford, Wisconsin.

The home of the Schwinn Paramount, this facility (who's proprietor shares the legendary Schwinn name) is still turning out some of the finest, hand made bicycle frames available. From full custom tubes, lugs, paint, and assorted sundries, to simple, yet elegant TIG welded frames with stock geometry, there is a Waterford product available for just about any budget.

Without deep pockets I had to choose wisely. I wanted performance with all around good looks, so I chose the aforementioned Gunnar with stock geometry, but opted for custom paint to "make it my own."

When we visited the factory, I must say that I was stunned at its size. Having seen so many beautiful things come out of there, I could only imagine it to be a very large and busy place. It was quite the opposite. There was an intimacy there, a place small enough to feel like home, yet large enough to build and house hundreds of frames, both new and old. As they not only build their own products but also offer restorations of classic frames. From concept to reality, painted and shipped in house, this was a neat little outfit.

We were greeted by Richard and Johanna and given a tour. They began with the office where it all begins. Once a design is submitted, it is poured over by the technical staff to be sure there were no mistakes made before being filed for building. That is where I saw on the wall, two or three plastic file boxes reading, "lugged frames," and "TIG frames." So of course, jokingly, I asked "where is mine?" Johanna indulged me a bit and pulled out a spec sheet with my name and bike on it. I got a kick out of that for sure and still think about it when I ride my bike, "I remember when this was just a piece of paper."

One of my favorite things that I saw while I was there was under the mitering table (yes, while everyone else was watching tubes being mitered, I was on one knee taking a picture of this...)

What appears to be a very old, and possibly very original power unit for the mitering table. Bearing a Schwinn serial number, this one piece of equipment has likely seen thousands of frames over the years, and I was tickled to death to have noticed it.

As it was the holidays and all, the shop was pretty void of employees, having just finished a very large and beautiful lot of frames for Shinola of Detroit, their rest was well deserved, as this was about the loveliest thing I had seen in a long while...

The trip was nearing its end, so we talked some more, laughed a bit, and then I, like a gigantic bike dork would, argued with Richard about where my Schwinn was made...

I was under the false assumption that it was made in Japan with Columbus tubes (thanks to Jeff for the incorrect info ;) but found out quickly that when a Schwinn tells you it was built in Mississippi in 1985, you just have no choice but to take his word for it ;)

(Thanks for setting me straight Richard!)

Anyway, our trip was over, we came back to the misery that is a snow covered South Bend.

A week or so later a picture popped up on the Gunnar Cycles Facebook page...

With everyone back from vacation, the production "line" was a buzz with new frames. This pic on it's own was an amazing thing to see, I quickly thought however, "Holy crap! I bet mine is in there somewhere," which of course led me to respond thusly...

Upon seeing that reply, I giggled like a school girl. Every day following, I was a fricken wreck let me tell ya. Every time UPS showed up, I was just waiting for a frame box to come off that truck with my name on it. When it finally arrived*, I wasted no time unboxing this beauty.

 Orange Glow over Sterling Silver

 *(It may be possible that Waterford has the BEST frame packaging available. Always packed safely and securely, suspended inside the box.)

Excited as I was, it was snowing out so the bike had to spend its first two months on the trainer. But damn did it look good...

As soon as the roads were clear, I took it out for the first time, and took the obligatory "bike lean" photo...

This bike has seen many changes since this photo, but at this point was decked out in SRAM Rival with carbon bars and Shimano Wheels. Not the world's greatest set up by any means, but road worthy for sure. Initially, it was a blast to ride. That never changed but I made a couple of changes over this most recent winter and then took this photo just a few weeks ago...

The Fred in me just had to make this bike a little more my own, so I ditched the carbon bars, and seat post, changed the saddle, went "Berzerker," and loaded it down with Campagnolo Athena 11 Speed with a Shamal wheel set. Just when I was starting to think, "alright, this thing is awesome." I decided dropping a pound of wheel weight would be awesome-er.  

Wonder what it would look like with a set of Campy Zonda's instead? I did too...

 

I wonder no longer, and I think I might be finished building it after two years. It has seen a new Brooks Cambium since this picture, but as of now, it's "finished" and here are the specs:

Gunnar Roadie OS2 54cm

Orange Glow over Sterling Silver

Chris King Sotto Voce "NoThreadset"

Easton EC70 fork (the only bit of carbon on this sucker ;)

Ritchey 4 Axis stem

Zipp SC 70 Ergo bars (42cm)

Thompson Elite seat post

Brooks Cambium saddle

Campagnolo Athena 11 speed. 53/39 crank, 12-29 Miche cassette

Campagnolo Zonda wheelset 

The absence of carbon was planned on my part. I have no need to make it the lightest bike ever so why pay ridiculous amounts of money per gram saved just to say, "my bike is lighter..."? 

Having a beautiful, reliable "whip" like this is something to be treasured. I mean hell, this thing is worth more than all three of my cars!

But having a steel bike that weighs in at 19lbs with pedals and bottle cages, is pretty fricken RAD!

(...Yeah, I said "RAD." I'm bringing it back.)

I want to say thanks to the folks at Waterford for being such gracious hosts' and can't wait to get my next one. 

...Be waiting for my call. ;) 

Cheers everyone! Thanks for reading. 

Love, Queso

Road ID: Because Everyone is Trying to Kill You.

So I feel like a follow up to my explicative laced tyraid with a little more clear headed thinking may be in order. Not because I regret anything I said, oh gosh no. Only because I have a few more things to say. (...And also because my mommy did not like the naughty language I chose to use.) 

That said, this is the internet. Where people are free to say what ever they want, even if it is not true. The internet gives us a great outlet to say exactly what is on our minds in as colorful a way as we choose. With that in mind, if my language seems offensive sometimes, then I liken it to breastfeeding in public; if you don't want to see it, don't look at it, pervert. Simple as that. While I do not wish to alienate any readers (including my Mum), I also refuse to sugar coat my thoughts to make them more palatable for anyone. After all, I am not Willy Wonka, remember?

Today I simply want to make a case for wearing a Road ID. I will start by reminding you of a great person who was taken from us way too early. It is a widely held belief that she would indeed have been the next great cyclist to come out of Texas. While on scholarship to college, she had just been offered her first contract with team Kenda. Around that same time, she was on a training ride when she was killed by a motorist who had dozed off behind the wheel. He came across four lanes, hitting her head on. First, I cannot imagine what it is like to lose one of my children let alone having to help console a person who has. Nonetheless, I still found myself in a position where I had to find the courage and the words to speak to, and hopefully encourage her Father, my friend.

The conversation quickly went from simply offering my condolences to remembering this awesome person. Before I knew it, we were both laughing and smiling simply remembering the lives she touched while she was still among us.

Then her Father posed the question I had not given much though to.

"Jason, do you have a Road ID?"

"No, I don't. But I usually carry my license and debit card in my bag. Plus I always have my phone"

     (I always believed this would help me be identified properly in the event of an accident)

"Let me tell ya somethin' Bud... When they found her, her phone was busted, and her stuff was scattered for about a mile down the road...it ain't that simple"

At the time this happened, she was going to school over 1,000 miles away from home.

Her Road ID identified her. She now rests in her hometown of Euless, Texas. While this ID cannot bring her back, it certainly brings back the memories of her and her Father every time I wear it. 

With that in mind, I did not purchase it for me, but for my loved ones. I have a wife and three kids that depend on my making it home safely. At least in the event that I do not make it home, my loved ones will be notified upon finding me, and first responders at least know something about me.

(not my actual one, of course but I am not willing to show my personal info on this blog)

I feel like all this needs be said, in order to put some context in to who I am as a person, AND a blogger. If you wonder why I "drop the F Bomb" without batting an eye it is because the public's attitude towards cyclists continues to be a negative one. One that is growing as our numbers increase. 

If you wonder why I sound so angry when I speak on the subject, it is simply this:

losing my friends because they were ridding bikes, is unacceptable. My children losing their Father, my Wife, her Husband, my Mother, her Son, etc... is unthinkable. 

My opinions on those things are further compounded by the fact that no one considers that the person they are yelling at, just may be someone's Father or Son, on their way home from work or school and the person they hit, just may have been someone's Daughter or Sister, who was just enjoying a nice day on her bicycle. I weep for humanity, in all it's vanity and selfishness. It's inconsiderate nature has taken loved ones and friends, without a second thought of the ramifications of its actions.

We cannot bring back the ones we have lost, we can only honor their memory.

If you ride, you should be identified. 

If you want a Road ID, follow this link...  http://RoadID.com/invite/4DW5Y-TAFD93RCQQP 

If you want to help ladies cycling efforts in the United States, follow this link:

Please be safe out there. 

  Love, 

Queso

Not sponsored by:

Motorists: The Worst Kind of People

I am a cyclist. Do I sometimes drive my car? Sure. But am I a motorist? 

Fuck. No.

The motorist, is an asshole. 

He is one of the best examples of what is wrong with the world.

He is the lazy douche bag that can't see far enough past the windshield of his two ton killing machine to understand what the cyclists in front of him are doing. No, he cannot fathom the idea of riding a bicycle out of pure enjoyment, for the simplicity of its utility, or just because the price of gas is fucking bullshit.

I am not some ass hat hipster messenger in the streets of New York, swerving in and out of cars, blowing through stop signs, and into pedestrians. No. I am the guy who is riding my bike in a straight line down the road. Seriously, how hard is it to anticipate my next move? I'm not going "come out of nowhere," just drive your fucking car in a straight line and don't try to box me out at the intersection. It's much the same when I approach a 4 way stop. At the moment they see a dude on a bike, come to a stop, and wave them on, their brain takes a crap and they forget how to operate their steel shit box. Do I appreciate it when they instead wave me on? Maybe a little, but really all they did was cause me the headache of breaking any momentum I might have had by forcing me to take my feet off of the pedals and then re-mount my steed. That's more of a hassle than a help. In reality, the only reason they waved me on is because that moment they should have been driving through the intersection was instead spent looking down at their smartphone checking their bestie's  Facebook status. When they look up they have that "oh shit" look on their face because they realize the cyclist has been track standing for 30 seconds waving at them. Then they panic, start to roll, then stop and instead, wave you on. Could I roll the stop sign? Sure, but then I become that ass hat cyclist that they have grown to hate, and if I did roll it, I would most likely end up on the hood of their car.

(This chick deserves 

the ass-kicking of a life time) 

How the fuck can people be so brash as to

A) Take hurting a person so lightly and,

B) Automatically assume that cyclists don't pay wheel tax?

I got news for ya there Cunty McTwatt, I have 3 cars, so I pay for those fucking roads as well. Roads, mind you, I have no rights to. Oh, and roads that my bike does ZERO damage to. You know why YOU pay wheel tax? Because your petroleum spewing, exhaust belching, Crap Factory on wheels destroys every environment it comes in contact with. Including your precious roads.  They have to pay to fix them because YOU destroy them!

I'm Serious, I hate my car. I would never drive one again if that were feasible. Yet I look around at all the cars lined up in the Starbucks parking lot in front of our store, and it is nothing less than a constant parade of over sized, over priced, dick measuring sticks. It's like wearing your genitals on the outside, saying to everyone around you, "Look at my cock! Look at it!! It's bigger than yours!!"

I'll take the most beat down piece of shit if it gets me from A to B and fits a bike rack on the back of it. I see no need for the fruitless endeavor which is paying the same amounts for both my mortgage and my car.

With the exception of actual bike lanes, there is not much in the way of safe passage for cyclists. Shared Use paths? Forget it! If I (the little more than casual cyclist) ride in the same lanes that people are walking, I put them and myself in danger; me, going too fast, them, drifting left and right as they walk and not looking behind them. Dogs on leashes running back and forth... It's not their fault. They don't expect a cyclist to be going that fast. So shared use is out of the question for me. As far as the roads that are signed "Share The Road," well it's more like this:

They simply cannot be bothered to be patient enough to safely move around a cyclist that has the right of way. "COME ON ASSHOLE, I'M DRIVING HERE!!" Or my personal favorite, 

"GET ON THE SIDEWALK!!" 

Side walks are just as, if not more, dangerous than the road. 

Since it seems as though I am the only person that remembers driver's ED, let me give you a refresher:

When you approach an intersection with a stop sign, you are to STOP before the side walk, look left, then right, then left again before moving out in to the intersection. There are a couple of problems with this for the thick headed, GET-OUT-OF-MY-FUCKING-WAY-I-HAVE-IMPORTANT-SHIT-TO-DO 

motorist. 

A) STOP is not a word in their vocabulary, and

B) BEFORE clearly means, "Where ever I damn well please" 

This creates a situation wherein the cyclist cruising along the sidewalk becomes the "Mallet" in that "Whack a Mole" game we all know and love. Meaning, as you cruise along, you see all these holes where the moles are eventually sure to pop out. The problem is, you never know which one it will be and when you do see the mole, you hit it with your mallet. Like this...

Granted, it's a clip from Wayne's World and it's out if context, but that car sure as shit is parked on the sidewalk now isn't it?

So, even in the case of designated bike lane, they are usually located right next to a parking lane where motorists always seem to fling their door open without first giving any thought to looking in their mirror. This is not isolated to areas like mine, that are trying, but still have yet to build a proper infrastructure. It happens everywhere. If you live in a big city you are lucky if you have them at all, but hell, even then you are bound by them. 

Meaning the mentality seems to be "HEY! LANCE ARMSTRONG!!...GET IN YOUR LANE!"

Yes, you are right. It is my lane. It is my lane full of road debris, glass, and storm drains. God forbid I swerve out of it to avoid a door, debris, or a douchebag.

With the exception of this guy's smug, "saving the planet" argument, which does nothing but anger drivers when evoked, this dude hits the nail on the head. It's not that bad here but in cities like this, you are screwed if you are a cyclist outside of the bike lane, but NOT if you are a cop, or a double parker, or a jerk that mistakes the gas for the brake and drives through a crowded store front or on to a curb taking out pedestrians. (Too lazy to link something here, just do a Google search. It happens every damn day)

 The point is: I have to ride my bike in the road sometimes. You motorists need to get over yourselves and the Jack Wagons you drive, and give me some fucking room to ride my bike with friends. If you rode a bike, you would understand. But you don't, so you can't. 

And until you can, YOU are part of the problem. 

I pay for the roads to. 

So how about YOU

 get on the fucking side walk. 

 

Horses: You just can't trust them.

You can lead a horse to water, but you sure as shit can't make him lube his chain (or something like that). In this case, the horse clearly pissed on his chain all winter. While this particular horse should probably spend his last days at the glue factory, 

he was instead given a second chance 

while the horse's parents of course blamed his mechanic for the cost of the repairs.

All I did was lead him. I suppose I should have just pushed his ass in. 

*It is also worth stating here, that they demanded the services be performed that day, because "...we are only here (in town) for today. What? is he supposed to walk here?" Fucking jerks. 

All that type of coddling will do is teach your kids how to be entitled pricks like you.

This guy however, is a horse of a different color. Not sure what color is earmarked for "stupid," but which ever one it is, this guy is the purest shade of it. Hell, he might as well have saved himself the trouble of locking it at all. At the very least, I am sure this grocery store would have been grateful if he had simply cleaned up his fucking mess.  

Well, at least they didn't take his lock. Those things are expensive!

I certainly hate to beat a dead horse, but these bearings did not simply fall out due to gentle persuasion. Seized into an expensive frame after years of several soakings in sweat and fear, they required a very large hammer to liberate. 

 Maybe I am getting too old for this shit. I mean, horses aren't really my thing anyway.

Fuck it. I am going back to training dogs.

Bad dog. 

No good deed goes unpunished

Karma is a bitch for sure. Let me take you through my day thus far...

Driving my daughter to school, a bunny runs out in front of my car. I quickly bring traffic behind me to a stand still to allow for the bunny's safe passage. No doubt I pissed off a few motorists, but hell, 

I don't want to kill a bunny, do you? I certainly don't want my kid to see that. Now the bunny is frolicking with his bunny friends, and likely humping like, well...a bunny.

 

Good deed for the day? I thought so, until we get to the school. It seems that all the kids are wearing silly hats, as my daughter informs me 

"oh, no! I forgot, it's silly hat day." 

"Dad, do you have a "bike hat" in the car?"

 Any other day, and yes I would have had one on my head, 

today I did not, and then the tears...

 "can you go get me one from home? Please?" 

So what did I do? I of course drive home, grab a cycling cap and take it to school. Now she is frolicking with her hatted pals, and the tears are all dried up. I am starting to feel pretty good about myself about now. 

That of course is where I made my mistake...

See, I am normally sort of a Pessimist (as if you couldn't tell by now). I generally like to expect the worst case in the event that it works out better than I had thought. That way it becomes a bright spot on an otherwise dreary life experience. Being an Optimist just sets you up for disappointment. If you expect the best, and life shits on you instead, you can be left feeling pretty, well... shitty. It's no day at the park for sure. With that in mind, I like to think of myself as more of a Realist. Like me, the Realist tends to call it as they see it.

   (I'm the guy on the right ;)

So back to the story: I am the kind of guy that will hold a door open for multiple people even if it means they will be ahead of me in line. What do I care if I get my coffee 2 minutes after they do? This morning however, still feeling great about my good deed doing for the day, I forget myself and my surroundings (Big Box Coffee Shop on every corner in America). What do I get in return for holding the door for 4 people who all looked me in the face as they passed? Not so much as one thank you. I mean, I guess I shouldn't have expected it, as these are the same entitled pricks who sit in an SUV convoy that stretches around the building with engines running and looking down at their "smart" phones, while they bitch at the Barista  for taking so long. 

 I hope you choke on your Latte asshole.

"What does today's blog have to do with bicycles?" you ask...

Well, at least the story had a cycling cap in it. 

Stupidity: It voids warranties

You know, I try really hard not to be a dick (to your face, anyway), so I generally reserve my true feelings until they all boil over and I post them here. That said, when I post, I am mostly joking about the way a person treats their equipment and not necessarily the person themselves. While the person may piss me off, I could usually give two shits about them. I generally care more about your bike. I mean, what did it do to piss you off?! It was only as loyal to you as it could be until it could not take it anymore. My point is that your equipment will only get you so far. It will work as long as it is maintained, and if left unchecked, will self destruct like a fucking supernova. Trust me, remember this guy?

 

He will be picking rubber out of his teeth for quite some time due to his failure to maintain his shit.

It is worth stating here that it is conjecture on my part but hell, head tubes do not just shear off for no reason. Something tells me it gave him ample warning, yet he probably told his mechanic 

"I was just riding along."  

So is it the bike's fault? No. 

Is it the guy's fault? I'm going to guess it was.

So with that in mind I pose this hypothetical situation:

So there's this guy, let's call him "Don Knotts."

He's a nice enough guy. Always very cordial, respectful, but a bit of nervous Nelly,

and always having this... look... on his face. It's hard to describe so here's a rough idea...

(Dead ringer) 

Don here, can't seem to stay on his bike. "Rubber side down," is not in his vocabulary. He has broken, bent, or otherwise destroyed most of the components on his bike. He has broken several bones including ribs and clavicles. This is a person who should probably stop riding a mountain bike, but damn it, you have to admire his determination. Unfortunately (for him) he simply cannot will not try to understand what his mechanic is trying to tell him. So in my most recent, hypothetical

encounter with Mr. Knotts, he poses the question: 

 

"can you make my front brake work less?"

"I'm sorry, can I do what?!"

"...every time I use it in a turn, I crash" 

Okay, first of all, stop doing that. Also, there is nothing wrong with using your front brake. It is natural and in some respects, preferred for scrubbing speed quickly. If it makes you crash then just use less of it and don't use it when you are cornering.

"Well what's happens is, when I feel like I am about to crash I panic and grab it harder."

...So stop panicking! If you can't do that, then stay off the brake lever.

"Well can you make it softer? Like add some air to the line?"

Okay Don, listen closely as I will only say this once: Brakes are to be bled in order to remove air from the line to ensure proper stopping power.

 Asking a professional technician to intentionally introduce air into a hydraulic brake system is irresponsible at best. It is a guaranteed way to accomplish two things:

A) Setting yourself up for a catastrophic crash likely causing bodily harm, and

B) Pissing off your bicycle mechanic which may also lead to bodily harm ;)

...and the Darwin Award goes to...

This Guy:

You can get the full story here

...In case you find yourself wondering, this is how you fucking downhill:

Yeah, it's been a slow week around here so I am getting a bit lazy with the posts. 

But hey! Look! More crashing...

...and you better enjoy it because it took me a damn hour to find a video with music that was not absolute bull shit ;)

Get out there and ride, and keep the rubber side down.