Friday, May 9, 2014

Stupidity: It voids warranties

You know, I try really hard not to be a dick (to your face, anyway), so I generally reserve my true feelings until they all boil over and I post them here. That said, when I post, I am mostly joking about the way a person treats their equipment and not necessarily the person themselves. While the person may piss me off, I could usually give two shits about them. I generally care more about your bike. I mean, what did it do to piss you off?! It was only as loyal to you as it could be until it could not take it anymore. My point is that your equipment will only get you so far. It will work as long as it is maintained, and if left unchecked, will self destruct like a fucking supernova. Trust me, remember this guy?


He will be picking rubber out of his teeth for quite some time due to his failure to maintain his shit.
It is worth stating here that it is conjecture on my part but hell, head tubes do not just shear off for no reason. Something tells me it gave him ample warning, yet he probably told his mechanic 
"I was just riding along."  

So is it the bike's fault? No. 
Is it the guy's fault? I'm going to guess it was.

So with that in mind I pose this hypothetical situation:

So there's this guy, let's call him "Don Knotts."
He's a nice enough guy. Always very cordial, respectful, but a bit of nervous Nelly,
and always having this... look... on his face. It's hard to describe so here's a rough idea...

(Dead ringer) 

Don here, can't seem to stay on his bike. "Rubber side down," is not in his vocabulary. He has broken, bent, or otherwise destroyed most of the components on his bike. He has broken several bones including ribs and clavicles. This is a person who should probably stop riding a mountain bike, but damn it, you have to admire his determination. Unfortunately (for him) he simply cannot will not try to understand what his mechanic is trying to tell him. So in my most recent, hypothetical
encounter with Mr. Knotts, he poses the question: 
"can you make my front brake work less?"
"I'm sorry, can I do what?!"
"...every time I use it in a turn, I crash" 

Okay, first of all, stop doing that. Also, there is nothing wrong with using your front brake. It is natural and in some respects, preferred for scrubbing speed quickly. If it makes you crash then just use less of it and don't use it when you are cornering.

"Well what's happens is, when I feel like I am about to crash I panic and grab it harder."

...So stop panicking! If you can't do that, then stay off the brake lever.

"Well can you make it softer? Like add some air to the line?"

Okay Don, listen closely as I will only say this once: Brakes are to be bled in order to remove air from the line to ensure proper stopping power.
 Asking a professional technician to intentionally introduce air into a hydraulic brake system is irresponsible at best. It is a guaranteed way to accomplish two things:
A) Setting yourself up for a catastrophic crash likely causing bodily harm, and
B) Pissing off your bicycle mechanic which may also lead to bodily harm ;)