Thursday, August 7, 2014

We Regret Our Error

First of all, I regret nothing.
I will say however, that I can always admit when I am wrong if the argument is persuasive enough...

(shown with optional "Persuasion Package")

With Ebola in the States now, I imagine it won't be long before the Zombies attack,

 (if my math is correct (which it almost never is) then we have about 14 days left.)

...Soon to be followed by the long awaited "Mad Maxx Times" in which we will no doubt need a bicycle that includes:

"an impressive showcase of some of the finest sharp and pointy things money can buy:
  • Barnett Recruit Compound Crossbow
  • Rotopax RX-1G Gas Packs – 1 Gallon
  • United Cutlery M48 Tactical Survival Shovel
  • United Cutlery M48 Hawk Tomahawk
  • United Cutlery M48 Hawk Harpoon
  • Gerber Fixed Blade Saw
  • Blackburn X6 Light System
  • Black Diamond Carabiners / Climbing rope
  • Cree Mini LED Flashlight
  • BioLogic Bike Mount for iPhone4/gps
  • Tool Logic Tactical Multifunction Knife / light
  • Tool Logic Credit Card Companion multi-tool
  • CRKT Guppie multi-tool
  • Tactical-Warrior Neck Knife [ed note: not clear if Knife is designed to wear around or insert into Neck]"
As it happens though, sadly, the bike does not come as pictured.

 (Which is too bad because this thing has a deadlier ass than Kim Kardashian)

That means it will require you to customize your own "Zombie-Slaying Mad Maxx Motorized Bicycle Cycle"

"Unfortunately, there is no price for the complete Survival Bike. The $1,999 Motoped Rolling Chassis Kit includes suspension from DNM, an Answer cockpit, and Hayes brakes.  You are on your own for the engine and all the fiddly bits like a throttle and gas tank, but the manufacturer estimates the cost at a mere $535. No word yet on pricing for pictured upgrades like the White Bros fork, or conversion rates from USD to GMO seed, Krugerrands, or any other common barter item."

So you had better get started building yours sooner rather than later as I am sure there will be a run on all the Army Surplus stores as soon as all the rednecks figure out how Ebola is transmitted (here's a hint: it's banging farm animals). 

"The virus may be acquired upon contact with blood or bodily fluids of an infected animal (commonly monkeys or fruit bats)"

Bat bites monkey, monkey humps deer, farmer bumps into deer at a bang, boom... we are fucked.
While I joke, that shit is real, and is in the US now. Contained as it may be, this would not be the first case in which something really deadly, that was pretty well under control, escaped in Atlanta. What a retarded idea to begin with..."let's bring infected people over the ocean so we can "treat them" at home." There is no cure and it has killed over 50% of the people who have contracted it. Yet we brought it on to our soil. Yeah, just what I have come to expect from the minds that brought us this:

Be afraid people. Be very afraid.
Get your damn bike ready because you will need it.