Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Oops! They Did it Again!

Seat posts: This is what you need to know...

Rule#1: The outside diameter of the post should match the inside diameter of the seat tube.
Rule #2: If it does not match, refer to rule number one.

It's that simple folks. Unless it comes to proper fitting for the bike, like whether or not the post needs to have setback, the only other thing that matters is whether or not it is the correct diameter.

So how does one fuck up a seat post installation? Just ask the clowns at 
[Name Redacted Bike Shop].

At [Name Redacted Bike Shop] the service is terrible, but at least it is affordable! You remember them right? Well, they are at it again, and sadly, the hits keep coming.

From the outside it looks good. So what could possibly be wrong?
Let me count the ways...

Pro Tip: if the edges of the binder touch each other, you are doing it wrong. 

A mix of incorrect binder parts, the wrong size post, and a shim cut to fit
... which it does not. 

That's just the tip of the iceberg. 

Let's start at the beginning; Rule #1: The seat post must be the correct diameter. 
Occasionally you can get away with using a post that is no more than .2 mm (two tenths of a millimeter) smaller in diameter. While that is still considered a no-no, it is why there is a slot cut out in the back of the seat tube, to allow for a slight decrease in diameter when clamping down the post. That is what provides the clamping force. The key term here is slight

 Pro Tip: 2mm does NOT equal slight 

Here is where it is important to remember Rule #2: Refer to Rule #1
 If you find yourself fighting the urge to continue beyond this point, 
STOP! Pull your head out of your ass, and go find a proper post. 
Unless of course you work at [Name Redacted Bike Shop] where it is acceptable to install a .5mm (one half millimeter) shim, leaving a gap of 1.5mm.

Then all you have to do is clamp the shit out of the binder until the seat tube deforms. 

Like this.
(Mind you, this was after I bent it back out)

I am still trying to figure out how they add the unique "shark bite" look...

 (Secret of the Pro's I guess ;)

So when [Name Redacted Bike Shop] is done mangling your frame, as a courtesy, they call you to tell you "your bike is finished and ready to pick up."
Only, when you get there and ask for your bike, they look, and look, and keep looking, but can't find it.
Then they realize "OH YEAH! We sent your bike to another guy to have him try to fix it. Sorry, we forgot."*
Then of course the inevitable happens wherein the post keeps sliding down in to the frame until it looks as though you are riding a child's bike.

*I swear this story is true.

YOU ARE SORRY??!! For what? Fucking up my frame? Or for sending it to someone else so they could fuck it up further?
Yeah, they certainly are "sorry." A sorry bunch of talentless hacks. Yet they continue to operate. I still don't understand how considering almost every bad bike story I hear in this area starts with "So... I took it to this other shop..."
and ends with "...yeah, it was [Name Redacted Bike Shop]." 
Where, no shit, their Mission Statement reads:

"Our mission is to provide the highest quality of new and used bicycles to our local cycling community through professional and friendly service."


"highest quality...professional..."

At least the ride you get taken for is Super Soft.