Friday, October 24, 2014

Dude, That is SO Pro!

I prefer the term "RAD," but hell, to each his own, right?
"Sweet," "Epic," or "Tight," if it's cool, you are probably gonna let folks know, right?
 The word "PRO" gets tossed around a lot these days. Especially when it comes to bikes. It is with that in mind that I bring you what may in fact be the SINGLE BEST usage of the word to date!

(and you thought I was gonna say something mean ;)

The NEXT Tiara PRO. Look at this beauty!

Can you imagine that someone just abandoned it?! I mean, for whatever reason they just left it laying up against the side of our building for TWO WHOLE DAYS before someone took it! How Crazy it that?!

They must have been great bikes considering that they were only available for one year.
Sadly though, I could not find what I am sure would have been a hilarious spec sheet...

....but I did manage to wrangle up the consumer reviews...

"All the features of an extremely expensive bike..."

Like SRAM XX1? ...oh, wait:

(Nothing says "PRO" like a kick stand, Schrader valves, and 21 speeds)

...But surely it has a high quality suspension system like Fox, or Rock Shox, right?


Well, at least he got a "safe, well-made bike"

 ...Good thing he "purchased the 1 year replacement plan for only a few dollars more...just in case"

...just saying.

So what exactly does the word "Pro" mean? Well, firstly, it is an abbreviation of the word professional. Which basically refers to a person who possess a specific skill set which makes them good at what they do (or at least makes them better at it then the average douchebag). In marketing, the use of the word denotes a perceived level of excellence. Meaning, if they had called the product, "Amateur," it would probably sound less "RAD," and Spongebob here...
 ...might be less inclined to beg his parents to buy it for him.

(If'n it ain't PRO, I doesn't want it maw!)

Good thing for Spongebob that Walmart offers only the best, so if you want to start down the path to being a PRO BMX'er, look no further:

"The 20" Hyper Spinner Pro Boys' BMX Bike features alloy platform pedals for pulling off the most awesome tricks..."

"...and micro-drive front and rear sprockets for a smooth ride, even off-road. It has a rotor up front for 360-degree handlebar rotation and thereby lets you experiment with various stunts more confidently."

Uhhh... I am pretty sure that voids the warranty.

Screw it! Perhaps you would like to take up PRO recumbent racing?

Gotta start somewhere, right?

(nothing says PRO like a three-wheeled recumbent)

"For the big kid in all of us. The Mobo Triton Pro Three Wheeled Cruiser - Silver is a great way to get in touch with your inner child."

...'Cause let's face it, isn't that what every Pro wants?

 ...perverts ;)