Friday, April 18, 2014

Ignorance is Bliss

If your bike is making a noise, it is trying to tell you something. If you don't understand what it's saying, then it is a good thing for you that I speak Bicycle. Everyday I act as an interpreter between you and your machine. Just like an auto mechanic, I too will ask you to describe the sound. Mostly to laugh at the ridiculous sounds you will make, but in reality, to try to chase down the noise.

You: My bike is making a ticking sound.

Me: Is it a  tick or a click?

You: It's more like a creaking sound

Me: Hmm, that's a horse of a different color then.

You: What?

Me: Never mind. Could you describe it for me?



Me: It sounds like your bike is trying to have sex with you ;)


Seriously though, how can you simply ignore loud noises like this? If it sounds like a nest of baby birds, it is not because it is a beautiful day outside, it's because your chain needs lube. If it sounds like a Mack truck trying to come to a stop, you probably need brake pads. After all, it's not a truck, so it shouldn't sound like one right?

I have been meaning to share with you, one of my favorite moments over the winter. This guy comes in because his shifting is "sluggish."


"Holy shit dude!" I could not believe what I was seeing. I mean, sure, I have seen housing "shrink" but not on this level. If you are unfamiliar with what derailleur cable housing is supposed to look like, here's a "pictographical representation."


This dude's looked like this:


For the most part, I don't blame this guy. It was his first bicycle after all. But shit man, when you see wires dangling from your cable housing stops, it's probably a good idea to get that checked out. Also, when this starts to happen it makes the most fucked up noise of all. If you rotate the bars left or right, it sounds like the head tube is cracking in half. It is easily fixed, and even more easily spotted when YOU SEE FUCKING WIRES STICKING OUT WHERE THEY SHOULD NOT BE!!!
But I won't hold it against him
After all, it could have been worse. I mean, at least he's not this guy:


I kid because I care.