The one day a year we pretend to give a shit about our planet. Whether you ride your bike because it is "green" or because you simply love riding, today is a day you can celebrate the bicycle's ability to get you somewhere without costing you something. Unless of course there is a 30 MPH headwind in ALL DIRECTIONS, in which case it may cost you the loss of the use of your legs for the rest of the day. Yeah, if I sound a little bitter, it's because today's commute sucked ass. I might have shit myself in that last push to get to work on time. Hell, it's over now. Sitting here enjoying my $5 coffee and typing away, hoping that the random ticks from the keyboard will congeal into something intelligible. Reflecting on the fact that I have spent $10 in gas in the last two weeks makes me feel pretty good about my "carbon footprint," which looks like this:
Now I know where the hipsters get that smug feeling from. It starts with Instagram pics of your shadow in high contrast, and ends when you suddenly become this:
Fuck it, I have already moved to Portland in my mind.
Happy Earth Day everyone. Go ride your "mother fucking bike"