Bikes are better with fenders

Function over form. That should be the ONLY consideration while choosing a bike on which you commute. Unfortunately, it is not. Because you care how much it weighs, or what it looks like, you will never build one of these...

   (The first fixie I ever built for someone)

Simple and elegant, this is all you need to get from where you are, to where you are going.
Sure, you may HAVE one of these...

...but How the hell can you ride it in all conditions whilst keeping the trousers clean? Tell me... How?!!

Well first, you need to let go of your ego. If you commute by bike (to work or whatnot), your road bike might be fine on nice days, sure. If you live where I do, and you are commuting on this bike, 

then you are fucked. 

So, before you complain about how they look, listen to me like this dude did... 

He did not want fenders because they are "ugly." 

(Yeah, sorry, your bike is now way cooler)

He had shifting issues in the front derailleur saying it "shifted fine for the first ride, but then..." So I cleaned up the front derailleur, got it shifting perfectly, then said, "stop getting it all dirty!" 

He asked how. 

I told him this:

Velo Orange Hammered Alloy Fenders 

"Really? Will that fix it?" 

Of course it will. It keeps road debris from interfering with the derailleur's limit screws.

Plus, it bumps up the sexy factor tenfold.

He has not been back for the same issue since. 

Remember this NEW bike? 

(From an earlier blog...) Same dude, But yeah, fenders were HIS choice this time ;)
Probably the most humorous thing is that this beautiful bike gets more compliments on the fenders than the ridiculously ornate stainless steel lugs. 

So here's a look at two bikes made better by fenders. 

(All original Raleigh Seneca MTB with 26" VO polished stainless fenders)

(One fender is better than none)

To further the point, I give you some examples of bikes before and after fender sexification...

(1963 Bianchi Gran Sport)

(80's Peugeot Mixte)

(80's Fuji Berkley with a few more upgrades than just fenders)

(My personal commuter. 90's Specialized Hard Rock - Left hand drive fixie)

Clearly I have a hard-on for Velo Orange Fenders. It does not stop there however, as they make many components that are beautiful AND affordable.

Check out everything they have and see if it's for you. I have a feeling, if you are like me, you will like them.

Build yourself a real commuting bike, or get you ass wet. It's your choice.
At the end of the day, you will do what you want because it is what YOU want and not what some douche bag bike blogger wants for you.

Regardless, I don't care what you ride, as long as you RIDE.
If you don't want to listen to me, then listen to "The Cannibal."

I hope to be back to regular bitch sessions soon, 

until then, stay safe, stay DRY, and stay classy San Diego

Queso

Vortex Schmortex

In the throes of the "polar vortex," everything is closed and cyclcing is impossible. The snow is three feet high in some places and drifting snow is covering any efforts to remove it within an hour. This sucks. 

As it is hard to bitch about work when there is none, there has never been a better time to share some bike porn. 

So sit back, relax, have a beer and prepare your eye holes for some hot bike on bike action. 

This sexy mother is the result of a year of efforts to give a customer exactly what he wants. It started with a Bianch Oltre frame and a Campy Record group. It was fine until Campagnolo released its Electronic Power Shift (EPS). After I had been certified (as Campy requires), the customer demanded the best. 

So, ordering and installing the parts were one thing, but fitting them to the frame was another. As the cable routing was originally mechanical, it would not accept the new electronic stuff. Not to be detured, the customer elected to have it shipped to a California based carbon frame repair shop to have new internal routing. Eventually it was back in my hands and was outfitted with Campy Super Record EPS. 

Complete with a Brooks Team Professional with Titanium rails, this bicycle rides like a champ! 

It has a very large price tag to go with it, but when you drive a car that looks like this, 

It's a fair assumption that you can afford a bike that looks like this...

I hope you enjoy. Please stay warm and safe. And remember,

                  

Me, Me, Me!!!

You have come along with me on this blogular journey and I would like to reward you by telling you about myself. 

See, while other bloggers sometimes wish to remain annonymous, for fear that their shitty interweb diatribe will make them too famous as to not be able to step out of their home unidentified.

And the growing mob will then crush them like so many rhinos in the savavna... I see things differently. 

Heres what you need to know. 

First,

Next,

Also, I look like this in the snow

...I look like this in the mud

I'm pretty fucking awesome,

... And modest too. 

Love, 

Me!

"Happy" New Year?

After some much needed time off, I am back. Lucky you!

While I have resolved to change a few things in the new year, being "nicer" is not one of those things.

Here in the Midwest, we had more than a foot of snow last week and temps of 44 degrees below zero. I spent three days shoveling snow and re-winterizing my fleet of bicycles. Meanwhile, the students all went home to their cozy Mc Mansions in other parts of the country, and left their fleet unattended for the last six weeks. Chained to bike racks, and abandoned, many of these bikes will never again see a rider, as they simply cannot survive the conditions. Sure, bicycles may not be living things but I maintain that college campuses are where bikes do in fact, go to die.

Alas, the students have returned. Now having dug out their "Walmart Whip" from the snow banks, they bring them to me.

I wish I were joking when I say that the bikes they bring in for repair look like this:

("Can you just, like, put some oil on the chain?")

Flat, dry-rotted tires, chain and cables rusted solid...yeah, it just needs some oil.

Is it totally their fault? No. The Schools will not allow them to bring bikes into the dorms, and do not offer sufficient storage during the seasonal breaks. 

But, they are not without fault, had they listened to their bicycle mechanic tell them how to avoid this, perhaps their bike would last more than a year.

Let's not forget that these are the same kids that study at Ivy League schools, yet don't know the difference between "open" and "close."

(Tulio Campagnolo is rolling over in his grave)

No, they can't be bothered to perform the most menial of tasks like inflating their tires once a week to avoid flats, instead, they call mom and make sure they can put the cost of the repairs on their credit card, or simply say "fuck it" and buy a new "bicycle" at Walmart. The cycle (no pun intended) is complete when that "new" bike comes back to me to fix because it was built by some tool with a mullet who assembles the shitty outdoor furniture and grills, yet claims he is a bicycle mechanic. Seriously,  consider yourself on my "Tit List."

So what does a guy like me do with all those busted ass chains? Make yard art of course.

Don't judge me.

You're so vain, I bet you think this blog is about you

If you are the type of person who is easily offended by the words that I write, perhaps you are the type person I am writing about. It's easy to get your panties in a twist if someone calls you out on your bullshit. I just want you to know that your sense of entitlement does not give you the right to triple park in front of our door to offload your kid's piece of shit, Walmart bike. 

A bike that he/she could easily have brought to us themselves, like a "big kid," but instead called mom or dad to pick it up with their ginormous fucking SUV which they subsequently use to block the entrance to your store.  

No, the entitled youth had been coddled through life thus far and cannot be bothered to perform menial tasks themselves. 

Indeed parental influences have rubbed off on their offspring, as clearly, the 

Ass does not fall far from the Ass Tree. 

Merry Christmas! And remember if you buy your kid a bike at walmart beware...

 

But don't waste your time, he doesn't want it anyway. 

 

Love Queso. 

DIY Tools: Star Nut Setter

Gone are the days where people come to you first to work on their bicycles. Instead, they "watched a You Tube video" which made them an expert in 5 minutes, and now they want to buy the tools so they can do it themselves. Individual tools can be expensive and as they quickly find out, sometimes you need more than one tool to do a job (i.e., you need a cassette lock ring tool, chain whip, and an adjustable wrench just to remove a cassette). 

"Well, I could make one for less than that!" they say. 

Sure, you can, just like you made a roof rack for your car out of 2x4's and your bike fell off and hit the ground. The point is, sometimes you need to pay for the tool, or pay me to use mine (which is a better value as I have the knowledge and experience as well as the proper tools).  

As I blog this, it should be known that I do it from the pro level shop that I work for. Here, we have all the tools you could ever dream of. In my home shop, Lube-A-Chain Bicycles, I have worked hard to build up the tool chest needed to perform all levels of service from home. Yet, I fall short of having them all. Especially the rarely-used tools.

Take for instance, the simple task of setting a star-fangled nut in a steer tube. Sure, carbon forks have taken over and do not use a star nut (for the most part), and complete bikes already have them installed. But when you need to set one, the tool alone can cost $30-$60! 

Yeah, even I won't pay that. 

So, I set out to make one. It took me about 10 minutes and cost less than $20. Rather than hoard this idea for myself, I decided to share it with anyone who is willing to listen. 

Consider this your "you tube video." Only, you don't have to look at me, hear me speak or deal with shitty editing. 

Here is a list of the parts you will need:

-Two (2) 20mm headset spacers

-A long headset bolt (some are longer then others)

-A nut that threads on to the bolt

-A washer for the head of the bolt 

-A slightly larger washer for stiffness

-A headset cap (find one that matches the diameter of the headset spacers for best surface area contact)

-A brake cable

-A roll of electrical tape

-A star-fangled nut 

(You will also need a securely mounted fork trap. If you do not have one, you may damage the fork. But if you are undertaking this task on a regular basis, you should already have one)

 

To build the "setter," put the smaller washer under the head of the bolt, and the larger washer under that. 

Thread the nut up to them and snug them up with a 5mm allen (common for that style of bolt) and, in this case (as the nut dictates) a 10mm box wrench. 

Like so...

Then slide the top cap up to the nut and place in a vise for support. Grab the bolt from the bottom and hammer the assembly downward into the top cap. This step will secure the parts nicely. 

Then thread the star nut 3/4 of the way on to the bolt. 

That part is done. Now, to build the "sleeve" start with the two spacers and tape them together. 

(This next step may not be needed, but I believe it adds stiffness to the sleeve)

Measure and cut 10-12 peices of brake cable and tape them vertically all the way around the spacers...

To finish the sleeve, tape it generously and at the top and bottom pull hard on the tape so it curls downward leaving a smooth finish. 

(The next pictures do not show the setting process as I already set one succsessfully then took the photos) 

Slide the sleeve down on to the steer tube. 

Sit the star nut on the steer tube and

Then slide the sleeve up to the top cap

This creates a secure "tube" shape that keeps the tool from moving left to right while setting the nut (a common problem with using the traditional Park tool setter)

Hold firmly, and whack the bolt with a hammer. The first time I did this, it took in about two hammer blows. Once the lower portion of the star nut is set, unsrew the top cap a little and repeat until the nut is fully set (approx. 10mm) 

Unscrew and remove the setter

Slide the sleeve off the steer tube. 

The nut is set. Done and done. 

I must admit, I was amazed how easy it worked. I built another one today and will be making more for fun, to give away. 

The total cost:

If you work at a bike shop, these things cost almost nothing. If you are tight with a local bike shop, you can most likely get these things for almost nothing as well. If not, expect to pay retail. And be OKAY with that if it comes down to it, as bike shops need to make some money too. Regardless;

Spacers: $6 

Nut, bolt, washers: $2

Brake cable: $3 

Top cap: $5 (cheap one)

Tape: you probably have laying around. 

Star nut: comes with the headset. 

$16 dollars retail. 

My price: $4 

Will you use it much? No. But you will want to. And it only costs four dollars. 

Enjoy. I will get back to being a dick next time. 

Love

Queso