Vortex Schmortex

In the throes of the "polar vortex," everything is closed and cyclcing is impossible. The snow is three feet high in some places and drifting snow is covering any efforts to remove it within an hour. This sucks. 

As it is hard to bitch about work when there is none, there has never been a better time to share some bike porn. 

So sit back, relax, have a beer and prepare your eye holes for some hot bike on bike action. 

This sexy mother is the result of a year of efforts to give a customer exactly what he wants. It started with a Bianch Oltre frame and a Campy Record group. It was fine until Campagnolo released its Electronic Power Shift (EPS). After I had been certified (as Campy requires), the customer demanded the best. 

So, ordering and installing the parts were one thing, but fitting them to the frame was another. As the cable routing was originally mechanical, it would not accept the new electronic stuff. Not to be detured, the customer elected to have it shipped to a California based carbon frame repair shop to have new internal routing. Eventually it was back in my hands and was outfitted with Campy Super Record EPS. 

Complete with a Brooks Team Professional with Titanium rails, this bicycle rides like a champ! 

It has a very large price tag to go with it, but when you drive a car that looks like this, 

It's a fair assumption that you can afford a bike that looks like this...

I hope you enjoy. Please stay warm and safe. And remember,

                  

Me, Me, Me!!!

You have come along with me on this blogular journey and I would like to reward you by telling you about myself. 

See, while other bloggers sometimes wish to remain annonymous, for fear that their shitty interweb diatribe will make them too famous as to not be able to step out of their home unidentified.

And the growing mob will then crush them like so many rhinos in the savavna... I see things differently. 

Heres what you need to know. 

First,

Next,

Also, I look like this in the snow

...I look like this in the mud

I'm pretty fucking awesome,

... And modest too. 

Love, 

Me!

"Happy" New Year?

After some much needed time off, I am back. Lucky you!

While I have resolved to change a few things in the new year, being "nicer" is not one of those things.

Here in the Midwest, we had more than a foot of snow last week and temps of 44 degrees below zero. I spent three days shoveling snow and re-winterizing my fleet of bicycles. Meanwhile, the students all went home to their cozy Mc Mansions in other parts of the country, and left their fleet unattended for the last six weeks. Chained to bike racks, and abandoned, many of these bikes will never again see a rider, as they simply cannot survive the conditions. Sure, bicycles may not be living things but I maintain that college campuses are where bikes do in fact, go to die.

Alas, the students have returned. Now having dug out their "Walmart Whip" from the snow banks, they bring them to me.

I wish I were joking when I say that the bikes they bring in for repair look like this:

("Can you just, like, put some oil on the chain?")

Flat, dry-rotted tires, chain and cables rusted solid...yeah, it just needs some oil.

Is it totally their fault? No. The Schools will not allow them to bring bikes into the dorms, and do not offer sufficient storage during the seasonal breaks. 

But, they are not without fault, had they listened to their bicycle mechanic tell them how to avoid this, perhaps their bike would last more than a year.

Let's not forget that these are the same kids that study at Ivy League schools, yet don't know the difference between "open" and "close."

(Tulio Campagnolo is rolling over in his grave)

No, they can't be bothered to perform the most menial of tasks like inflating their tires once a week to avoid flats, instead, they call mom and make sure they can put the cost of the repairs on their credit card, or simply say "fuck it" and buy a new "bicycle" at Walmart. The cycle (no pun intended) is complete when that "new" bike comes back to me to fix because it was built by some tool with a mullet who assembles the shitty outdoor furniture and grills, yet claims he is a bicycle mechanic. Seriously,  consider yourself on my "Tit List."

So what does a guy like me do with all those busted ass chains? Make yard art of course.

Don't judge me.

You're so vain, I bet you think this blog is about you

If you are the type of person who is easily offended by the words that I write, perhaps you are the type person I am writing about. It's easy to get your panties in a twist if someone calls you out on your bullshit. I just want you to know that your sense of entitlement does not give you the right to triple park in front of our door to offload your kid's piece of shit, Walmart bike. 

A bike that he/she could easily have brought to us themselves, like a "big kid," but instead called mom or dad to pick it up with their ginormous fucking SUV which they subsequently use to block the entrance to your store.  

No, the entitled youth had been coddled through life thus far and cannot be bothered to perform menial tasks themselves. 

Indeed parental influences have rubbed off on their offspring, as clearly, the 

Ass does not fall far from the Ass Tree. 

Merry Christmas! And remember if you buy your kid a bike at walmart beware...

 

But don't waste your time, he doesn't want it anyway. 

 

Love Queso. 

DIY Tools: Star Nut Setter

Gone are the days where people come to you first to work on their bicycles. Instead, they "watched a You Tube video" which made them an expert in 5 minutes, and now they want to buy the tools so they can do it themselves. Individual tools can be expensive and as they quickly find out, sometimes you need more than one tool to do a job (i.e., you need a cassette lock ring tool, chain whip, and an adjustable wrench just to remove a cassette). 

"Well, I could make one for less than that!" they say. 

Sure, you can, just like you made a roof rack for your car out of 2x4's and your bike fell off and hit the ground. The point is, sometimes you need to pay for the tool, or pay me to use mine (which is a better value as I have the knowledge and experience as well as the proper tools).  

As I blog this, it should be known that I do it from the pro level shop that I work for. Here, we have all the tools you could ever dream of. In my home shop, Lube-A-Chain Bicycles, I have worked hard to build up the tool chest needed to perform all levels of service from home. Yet, I fall short of having them all. Especially the rarely-used tools.

Take for instance, the simple task of setting a star-fangled nut in a steer tube. Sure, carbon forks have taken over and do not use a star nut (for the most part), and complete bikes already have them installed. But when you need to set one, the tool alone can cost $30-$60! 

Yeah, even I won't pay that. 

So, I set out to make one. It took me about 10 minutes and cost less than $20. Rather than hoard this idea for myself, I decided to share it with anyone who is willing to listen. 

Consider this your "you tube video." Only, you don't have to look at me, hear me speak or deal with shitty editing. 

Here is a list of the parts you will need:

-Two (2) 20mm headset spacers

-A long headset bolt (some are longer then others)

-A nut that threads on to the bolt

-A washer for the head of the bolt 

-A slightly larger washer for stiffness

-A headset cap (find one that matches the diameter of the headset spacers for best surface area contact)

-A brake cable

-A roll of electrical tape

-A star-fangled nut 

(You will also need a securely mounted fork trap. If you do not have one, you may damage the fork. But if you are undertaking this task on a regular basis, you should already have one)

 

To build the "setter," put the smaller washer under the head of the bolt, and the larger washer under that. 

Thread the nut up to them and snug them up with a 5mm allen (common for that style of bolt) and, in this case (as the nut dictates) a 10mm box wrench. 

Like so...

Then slide the top cap up to the nut and place in a vise for support. Grab the bolt from the bottom and hammer the assembly downward into the top cap. This step will secure the parts nicely. 

Then thread the star nut 3/4 of the way on to the bolt. 

That part is done. Now, to build the "sleeve" start with the two spacers and tape them together. 

(This next step may not be needed, but I believe it adds stiffness to the sleeve)

Measure and cut 10-12 peices of brake cable and tape them vertically all the way around the spacers...

To finish the sleeve, tape it generously and at the top and bottom pull hard on the tape so it curls downward leaving a smooth finish. 

(The next pictures do not show the setting process as I already set one succsessfully then took the photos) 

Slide the sleeve down on to the steer tube. 

Sit the star nut on the steer tube and

Then slide the sleeve up to the top cap

This creates a secure "tube" shape that keeps the tool from moving left to right while setting the nut (a common problem with using the traditional Park tool setter)

Hold firmly, and whack the bolt with a hammer. The first time I did this, it took in about two hammer blows. Once the lower portion of the star nut is set, unsrew the top cap a little and repeat until the nut is fully set (approx. 10mm) 

Unscrew and remove the setter

Slide the sleeve off the steer tube. 

The nut is set. Done and done. 

I must admit, I was amazed how easy it worked. I built another one today and will be making more for fun, to give away. 

The total cost:

If you work at a bike shop, these things cost almost nothing. If you are tight with a local bike shop, you can most likely get these things for almost nothing as well. If not, expect to pay retail. And be OKAY with that if it comes down to it, as bike shops need to make some money too. Regardless;

Spacers: $6 

Nut, bolt, washers: $2

Brake cable: $3 

Top cap: $5 (cheap one)

Tape: you probably have laying around. 

Star nut: comes with the headset. 

$16 dollars retail. 

My price: $4 

Will you use it much? No. But you will want to. And it only costs four dollars. 

Enjoy. I will get back to being a dick next time. 

Love

Queso

"Hydrolic Dick Breaks"

Yeah, the title is misspelled, I stole the term from BikesnobNYC. So sue me. (unless Snobby is actually reading this, in which case, please don't sue me.)

There have been some interesting deveolpments as of late in the "technology" sector so it felt like a good time to re visit the discussion about disc brakes. 

If you recall from a previous post, "it's a love hate relationship," I discussed the merits and pitfalls of disc brakes for mountain bike applications. Overall, I believe the idea behind them is sound. Where I take issue is when the industry decided to adapt the technology and apply it to road use. 

To me, the idea was ludicrous to begin with. But the industry ate that shit up! 

(Most of them had this to say.) All sorts of bikes are being spec'd with Hydraulic rim and disc brakes for the 2014 model year. 

This provides a whole host of problems that they address by simply selling you new shit.
To whit; road frames do not have disc brake mounts, so now you need a new frame. 

Unless of course you get hydraulic rim brakes, in which case, you don't need to change the frame or wheels. Then, you only need to get rid of your current rim brakes that work well, and replace them with more expensive ones as well as the shift/brake levers that go with them. 

                                                      ...Seems like a fair trade-off. 

In my opinion, SRAM had the most anticipated product,
(Which appear to have failed) but Shimano was not without fault either. They had been using cable actuated disc brakes which provided the same logistical nightmares, i.e, frame compatibility and the always prevalent brake rub and high pitch squealing...

Then, just like Apple and the cluster-fuck that is iOS7, problems began immediately. 

With a mass roll out, a lot of products quickly saturated the market, and did not even make it to our showroom floor before the product was recalled. 

Upon further inspection, the recall expanded into other markets. 

At least Shimano had the decency to go to the Consumer Product Safety Commission and issued a voluntary recall. Sighting, for the most part, why the product was unsafe. This got the word out almost immediately to both IBD's and consumers. 

SRAM, on the other hand, issued what they are calling a "stop sale". 

News broke yesterday on bikeradar.com as a "recall" and the post was quickly removed. It appeared hours later as a "stop sale" with speculation among industry professionals that SRAM asked that it be corrected. 

Regardless of why no one mentioned this to the CPSC, the information was not widely available until later in the day and no further information was given as to why the product was deemed "a safety issue."
Seems a bit sketchy to me. 

It was under the guise of "stopping power" and "heat build up" that the brakes were introduced to the road market anyway. The theory being, carbon and alloy brake tracks heat up under braking forces outside of the realm of normal use, i.e; mountain road descents at higher than normal speeds. 

Heat in a brake track is bad because it can cause the bead of the tire (which holds it on the rim) to deform, then fail. That can cause serious injury, even death. 

Disc brakes do not solve this problem for two reasons;

As most of companies making the components can attest, brake heat is still a real problem on hydraulic disc and rim brakes, 

And, clearly, the "safety issues" they have found after the fact, are the same that plagued them before the introduction of the concept. 

As heat builds up in a brake rotor, it can glaze the surfaces of both the pads and rotor, making it impossible to stop. 

As Hydraulic fluid heats up, it "boils" bringing air to the surface and reducing the fluid's ability to work properly, resulting in failure. 

The manufacturers maintain that "we use this fluid because it doesn't boil." Or "we use this type of pad and rotor because they reduce heat to begin with making it safer." 

Clearly they were mistaken. 

Case in point: Racers have been battling steep mountains of France for 100 years, 

From the time Tulio Campagnolo invented the quick release skewer to the advent of electronic shifting, most innovations have been met with gratitude and acceptance as a true improvement to the quality of racing in those types of environments.

There never was, nor is there now, a need for disc brakes on road bikes. 

The UCI (the same sanctioning body that told Lance Armstrong to take a hike) has not, and will not approve the use of disc brakes in competition until further testing is done. 

...because clearly it is needed.

Small Business and The Interwebs

Normally I would just say "hey, if you want to buy your shit on Amazon or Ebay, Great! Knock yourself out!"
As a mechanic at a struggling "Mom and Pop" bike shop, I have to look at it a different way.

See, the problem that small businesses face because of the internet's ability to out-price us is nothing new. It is however, a growing trend. Online retailers have a remarkable opportunity to undercut IBD's (independent bike dealers) due to the lack of sales taxes and free shipping. Not to say that they are making a lot of money by doing so, as they often sell items at or near the cost of the items wholesale price. One thing they do do (ha... "Do Do") is buy larger quantities from the wholesalers, and sell all of it. This allows them the opportunity to buy even more, at an even better price. If I buy 1 turd taco at x amount if dollars, but they buy 100, they get a better price. Therefore, they make at least some money on each unit. Even after free shipping.
The problem will always exist, so it is up to us to find creative ways to bring parts of that market share back to our stores. For now though, on a day to day basis, this happens.

Let say, this guy walks in to the shop, we'll call him "douchebag."
Mr. Bag wants to upgrade his components, to Ultegra Di2. He seems pretty serious about it too.
He asks for a quote on several options (including 11 speed mechanical groups), and I oblige.
A few days later I discuss these options and a price that is all inclusive i.e. parts and labor.
Together, we land on Di2 at a price of $2,530 installed (by me, a Di2 certified Mechanic).
Then the conversation quickly changes to, "how much if I install it myself?"

Ok, dick. I see where this is going, but I will throw you a bone anyway...  $2,280.

"well what if I buy it online and bring it to you, how much?"

Seriously douche, knock it off.

Well, Mr. Bag did not 'knock it off' and takes the next ten minutes of my time asking silly questions about compatibility issues..."if I get so-and-so chainrings, what cassette should I get?" "how long do my crank arms need to be?" "What 'e-Tubes' do I need?'" "Which is the right battery mount?"
I don't know, did you ask Ebay or Amazon? What did they say?
"Well, no."
...Oh, then why would you buy it from them?
"because I can get a deal."

Yeah? Well I could have given you a deal as well, but
A) you never asked and
B) if you give a mouse a cookie, he will want a glass of milk.

While I understand the value of a good deal, and certainly have capitalized on one or two myself, the "deal" is not where I hold issue with Mr. Frodo Douche-Baggins.

See, the industry can only survive if the consumer is willing to provide for it. Meaning, the customer has to spend money in our stores to keep them open. This requires us to show that we can add value to what they need by providing goods and services at a good price, with knowledge and expertise. Still this begs the question: If I am good enough to provide a douchebag with knowledge and service, why not parts also?
Why does he feel it is fair to take that from me?

To some extent, it is our fault. A large problem for the industry of late has been the fear that we "can't compete with online retailers!" True, unless you consider that we could compete, if we only wanted to provide a better price. The resistance to that logic is sound: "if we lower prices, we lose money."
But do we really? I'm am not advocating that we give shit away, but seriously,
Is it better to sell 50 shit sandwiches at 20% off, or sell none at all because your "price is too high?"
Then you are left with 50 shit sandwiches you can't sell, which become overhead in your store. With the 2014 shit sandwiches being shipped to your store soon, what do you do then?
Now you don't have the room and have to unload them at or below cost.
Guess what? ...you just "ate" 50 shit sandwiches.

We can all admit that we all live in a culture of instant gratification.

If you get it from Amazon, even with free shipping, you have to wait. So, if I have it in my store would you buy it? Price too high? What if I give you a better deal, will you buy it then?

Or is that still not good enough?

At some point, they have to decide what we are worth to them.
Honestly, if I have to coddle you to get your business, you might as well move on, because it never stops there. If you give a moose a milkshake, he will want a straw. In fact, he will expect a straw, every time, at a better price, until you have nothing left to give him.
Perhaps a poor attitude on my part, but for every douche bag, there are at least 5 people* who genuinely value your knowledge and skill, who appreciate what value you bring to the table.
Those are the customers I want to deal with. 

Please support your IBDs and
Please don't be a douche bag.



*80% of all statistics are made up on-the-spot.