Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Oh Amazon, you have me all figured out.

I woke up this morning to find this in my "inbox."

"Jason, Are you looking for something in our Bikes & Accessories department? If so, you might be interested in theses items."

Clearly, Amazon does not read my blog. On second thought, perhaps they do and this email is nothing more than a sick joke. 

I should have flagged it as "spam" but, hungover, I couldn't focus on the little flag shaped button. 
Instead, to prove that I can take a joke, I read on. Turns out that they have some pro level shit going on over there. Like this sexy, polka-dotted motherfucker. 

"The Stage One is a combination of classic road bike mixed with modern technology. The Shimano Stem Mounted SIS lever shifters provide a classic look but are backed by Shimano’s A050 derailleurs and 16 speeds. You will be looking like the leader when you cruise by on this collaboration of old and new."
You will like a dumb ass is what you will look like.  Nothing screams "Le Tour de France" like stem mounted shifters. 

Seriously though, what the fuck is going on with those bars?!

But don't worry, they make a PRO version as well...

"The Tour de France Stage One PRO road bike is a great performing bike at a great value. You'll be TEARING UP THE ROAD with this feature-packed bike that sports Shimano A050 front and rear derailleurs, Shimano A050 handle bar-mounted thumb-shifters, an alloy frame and stem, double-walled alloy rims, Vader Cro-mo seat, and Innova 700c road tires."

 "handle bar mounted thumb-shifters" are so PRO"

Say it however you want Amazon. 

You can polish a turd, but at the end of the day, it's still a piece of shit.

Now please, leave me the fuck alone.