Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Hey! Spring! Wipe your feet off at the door. Don't track that shit in here!

Oh! You're back? Hello!" I said to Spring. I notice he starts to lightly chuckle a bit and as his grin widens I ask, "what's so damn funny?" He says, laughing, "just wait...here it comes..."
"Here what com... oh." ...  "Damn it." I say shaking my head, having realized what I am about to behold.

(Enters one of the few hundred ass hats that do shit like this all the time...)

"I have a bike in my car that needs a "tune up," should I bring it in?"

"Well, I can't work on it in your fucking car now can I?

But if I said that then I would be the asshole. Which is stupid when you give it some more thought. Really, here we have a grown ass man, asking about the dumbest fucking thing you can ask of a bicycle repairman, expecting me to look him dead in the eye and not tell him to "eat a dick."
This problem would go away over night if they let me strap a mask on to the faces of these clown shoes, that would make fart noises when they say something dumb. Perhaps they would eventually get it if every time they said something stupid, people looked at them with that scrunched up "who farted?" face. This might seem a bit inhumane, but I imagine it can't be worse than strapping a shock collar on to a dog to teach him his/her boundaries. It's really the same thing.

"Oh, sure, very funny Spring!" I said. But before I slapped the shit out of him for being a dick, I thought of how lucky I was to have Spring back in my life. I mean, it was really cold this year. It's nice to have some warmer weather for a change. Just as I finished that thought, he starts laughing again! I'm like "what the fuck is so fu...."

"You think you're funny huh ass hole?"

"Yeah, kind of." He said with a smile...

"Hey, Spring...

No really, glad you're back. 

Don't ever leave again,

Love, Queso