Breaking News (if you like news from a week ago)

In John Oliver fashion, I am delivering news to you that is more than a few days old. News which is really only relevant to those within earshot of my voice or say, my BookFACE page but sadly after what looked like a hopeful future for the event the organizers of Bike the Bend have decided to cancel it. 

  

The story goes something like this: The Lady Organizer decided not to pay a portion of the money owed to the police department for their overtime after what she basically described as laziness on their part at last year's event. [Read the whole story here] 

Then they were encouraged by the local FOP to give up the overtime pay they would have received to work at the event and were asked not to support it to send a message to said Organizer. The message was clear enough, as I eluded to in a previous post yet volunteers stepped up in a big way to make up for the lack of Police participation. 

So the event went well, I thought, no one got hurt and I got to take my wife around the city on her first 30 mile ride! 

Then they cancel it. My first response was one more genuine curiosity than it was bewilderment. 

"Really?" 

I understand both sides to be honest but I would have to say I side with the Police on this issue as they were promised a level of pay which the other party did not deliver. The "over worked" argument is bullshit if you ask me and likely a thinly veiled attempt at making a stand without coming right out and saying "Hey Lady, you screwed us, so screw you." 

That aside, its just bad business and bad Karma. So she's getting the proper level of disrespect here is all I am saying but I still cannot wrap my brain around how easy it was for them to just give up on something that is good for our community. It doesn't cost the city a dime, not one, and it promotes the city itself by taking you to and even through some of the best places it has to offer. 

 Four Winds Field - Home of the South Bend Cubs

What's more is that the Mayor of South Bend really just sat back and let the Chief of Police (both are cyclists I might add) hammer it out on his own rather than taking an active role in helping both parties put aside their differences. That is the saddest part to me; the Mayor has done great things to improve the attitude and overall life style of his city and has done so with very little resources. For an event like this to simply be discarded because of bad blood is disheartening. It says to all of those who fight for bicycle advocacy; "if you don't get your way, give up." What does that say to the kids that love this event because it is the one day a year that they get to ride bikes with their family in a safe atmosphere? 

"Tough shit kid. Suck it up!"

They'd have had a year to figure this out but instead they simply said "fuck it." I just cannot get over that.

For now, I just hope that someone is working feverishly to restore the event in one way or another so we don't lose this opportunity to come together and play bikes.    

"Quickly" Getting Out in Front of This

By now you have heard that TREK is recalling nearly ONE MILLION front, quick release skewers that were being used on their disc brake equipped bicycles from 1999 until present day. 

This is MUCH different than the USA Today article that claims "FED's recall nearly One Million Bikes after rider left paralyzed" Not only is the title of this article intended to scare the shit out of you because of how it is worded... it so happens that it is completely FALSE. TREK is not recalling a single bicycle, rather the skewer that holds on the front wheel on bikes equipped with disc brakes ONLY.

Now, it is true that three people have been injured and at least one is now paralyzed and that totally sucks. TREK is getting out in front of this thing to keep people safe no matter the issue BUT, this is not a TREK issue. It is an issue with a part that nearly every manufacturer uses between certain price points. More importantly, it is an issue with being too stupid to operate a device as it was intended. Be it the customer, the "assembler" or the last bicycle repair man to touch it, it had better be done right. Or this type of crap can happen.

To be fair, it is not yet known whether or not the cause was user error or simply a case of being uninformed, but if you know bikes, then you know that this story reeks of horse shit.

In the literature that accompanies the official recall, a diagram can be found which spells out the nature of the issue. 

This is a fact. It cannot be disputed because it can (and did) happen. However, a few items should be addressed here before the world launches in to a panic and blames TREK for this (yeah, that's right... I am defending them this time).

First, this skewer is not made by or exclusive to the TREK brand. In fact, the majority of the bikes from the lower end of the price spectrum feature this skewer and SOME even say SHIMANO on them. So before they are called a Witch and burned at the steak, it should be pointed out that the CPSC should certainly be asking other brands to address the same issue. Meaning,it is not likely that this will be the last time you will hear about QR (quick release) skewers being recalled. 

At the heart of it though is how they are used. If you do not use them as intended, it will likely end badly for you at some point. Now, I am not saying that the people who were injured were at fault, but let's just say what we are all thinking here... 

If this happened, you are doing it wrong. Period. 

I blame this on a few factors which include failing to educate the customer. When I posed this point on the BRAIN article, it was met with some responses that required follow up and rather than repeating them verbatim, you can read them for yourself... verbatim;

This is the God's Honest Truth here. many of the customers we deal with daily are Rubes and if you didn't show them how to properly utilize a safety component on their bicycle, then you are a dick, and they will likely make this mistake at some point. Seriously, you have all seen the customer who brings in a bike and says 

 "hey man, the brakes don't work!"

The scope of you job includes making sure that the customer has all the info the need to make informed decisions and to use their bicycles safely. If this guy doesn't know that his brake is "open" then how the shit do you expect him to know about his skewer?!

Then you have this guy;

There are a number of things wrong with this assessment: 

This is only a "big issue" because people make it one. Sure, people's safety is at steak here so it is a big deal, but I have already talked with several "seasoned mountain biker(s)..." I have also consulted myself... and we arrived at this conclusion: Your skewer, positioned properly, cannot simply be "knocked loose." 

And honestly dude, I am glad none of your skewers open beyond 180 degrees. It doesn't need a fail safe, because used properly IT IS SAFE. 

Word.

And this is not a "both wheels" thing, NO. This applies to the front only. Considering that is the only wheel the average Don Knotts is going to remove and re install in his bike you start to see a theme. At some point you have got to point a finger and assign blame especially when  costly lawsuits may result.

If you take upon yourself the responsibility of owning and maintaining a bicycle then you had better damn well know how to keep the wheel on. 

Change the skewer to a higher quality one if you are really worried about it.

For the record, I have always argued that the QR lever should be placed on the [EDITED] drive side of the fork. Turns out there are some that would argue that this is incorrect. I argue that I like the skin on my knuckles just fine and would rather not have to put my hand anywhere near that brake rotor when operating a quick release lever. 

Either way. No one panic. It will be okay. If you have a bad skewer and you need to, you can go see a TREK dealer near you to get a new one. Ask the sales dude how to operate it if you are not sure.

Or go buy one on line. I hear that is all the rage these days.

Cheers

Customer Service: You Are Doing it Wrong

In my line of work, I spend most of my days at the end of a wrench. The rest of the time, I end up on the phone with Warranty and Customer Service departments on behalf of my customers. Sometimes I make great progress, other times not so much.

Brands like SRAM (Avid, Rock Shox, Zipp...), Scott, and QBP have excellent customer service. I have had nothing but the best experiences with each of them. Always quick to make it right, whatever it is.

Some CS departments however, are total bullshit.

It is always disappointing to have a bad experience. It usually means a customer is not getting what they need which can lead to frustration and leave a bad taste in their mouth. Then, they take it out on me. That usually leads to me having a bad day. ...and if I have a bad day, YOU have a bad day.

Even worse is when you call a company you really like and it goes poorly. Be it your expectations or their attitude toward customer service, for whatever reason it goes terribly and you hang up the phone feeling dejected. 

As anyone who has broken anything made by Thomson can attest to, getting your needs met can be a pain in the ass especially when it means they have to honor their lifetime warranty:

...when "Lifetime" refers to the life of the product.

Recently, I had one of these experiences with Simple Green and I must say, I was pretty stunned by the whole thing. 

In full disclosure:

It is worth mentioning that I have used and often recommend Simple Green's Foaming Aerosol Degreaser. It is a great product for getting in to hard to reach places on a bike without taking off parts. Hell, I still use it!

Claiming it is "safe for all surfaces" it really would seem like the best choice for cleaning your bicycle. ...That is, if it were actually safe for all surfaces.

This whole mess began as any other does; which is to say that the customer came in claiming he was "just riding along" or in this case was "just cleaning it." He was using a product that I highly recommended, a product that he specifically inquired as to whether or not it was safe on use on carbon. My answer was based two-fold on my personal use of the product for the last 5 years, and the company's claims of "safe for all surfaces" written clearly on the can.

This, in the end was the only reason I got involved in this mess to begin with as I gave the man my word, and it backfired. Big time.

For the uninitiated, Zipp wheels are supposed to be black in appearance, like the one pictured in the background, and not white like the ones pictured in the foreground.

Now, on the face of it, this seemed absurd. I mean, there are times in this line of work that you want to look a customer dead in the eye and call them a liar. This was one of those times. To me, there was no f'ing way that Simple Green did this and the majority of those that I have spoken with agree with that assertion. However, the science (which for the record, I do not claim to even begin to understand) would suggest that in this particular case, it could be argued that there was at least a possibility that it could be at fault. On the other hand, there was an equal possibility that it might not. 

Let me explain...

Before I called Sunshine Makers Inc and made an ass of myself, I emailed some buddies over at Zipp. I figured if there were a problem with this stuff Zipp would have seen it before. The fact is, they had seen it before,

they also saw the same MSDS sheet that I did.

To save re-telling this story, I will let an email that was written to a third party (who is an authority on carbon wheels in general) do it for me.

(click it to go to full-screen)

So that is where the fun started. I randomly called the research and development department by mistake where I talked to a very nice young lady who was not really in a position to do anything about it. So it was the point at which I was passed off to Customer Service that I lost all contact with them. I repeatedly, and politely emailed them with no response. This went on for about 2 months.. roughly. (since I changed work places, I now do not have access to the dates of those emails to verify this claim) Until one day, I don't know, maybe they'd "had enough" or whatever; the fricken Vice President of (something or other department) over at Simple Green calls me himself.

"Listen here clown...!!!"

Here's how that went down; The man was trying to be cordial but was super defensive instead. It was almost like you could tell that he had made this call before. Anyway, he dropped some serious science stuff on me (again: way over my head) but it basically amounted to the fact that Simple Green is not "Citrus Based." Now, I could pretend I knew what the FUCK he was talking about but after this was all over, he sent me a document that they created for just such an occasion:

Conspicuously dated the same week this conversation took place, it would appear that they had this problem on a consistent basis and decided to address it, taking an "official stance" on it.

 Of course I was like "... Well, duh!"

To which he responded:

To his credit, he was kind of like an Onion and once you started to peel away layers, you got down to the real dude. It's the same effect as getting hammered with a friend, as the layers come off, he opens up like book. He says: "we see this all of the time in very hot places like Arizona, some guy sprays it on and then he gets a phone call, or goes in the house to grab a beer, etc... and the sun bakes it in."* 

Wait... what? That means it can potentiality harm surfaces then, right?
 

It was about here in the conversation that I remembered a time when I was working in a bike shop in Texas, and a situation occurred that I didn't even think about until this point.

A co-worker had left his Dura Ace 7800 derailleurs in our Simple Green cleaning solution.

When another co worker need to use the same cleaner, he removed the parts and left them out to dry. It turned them pink. Not like PINK, but a light pink hue covered the normally very shiny, high-polish finish. So I asked him about that and he explained it away thusly:

"It's like when a machine shop calls and says 'we cleaned up all of our machines and now this morning they are all rusty!' " or "the guy at the bike shop calls and says he cleaned his chain; 'It's the cleanest it has ever been,' then lays it on his bench... when he gets to work in the morning, it's rustier then a campus bike chain."*

"What those things have in common" he says, "is that they are using a DE-GREASE-ER, they are washing away the oils and lubricants that normaly protect the metals and then failing to re-lubricate things" *

So... it can be caustic then? Right? You just said...

"What I said is that this stuff happens when you do not use the product correctly, that is to say that if you let it dry."*

Now I'm no Rocket Surgeon but that sounds like an admission to me.

*Being a conversation held over the phone, this is the closest to the actual transcript as I can recall here.

Essentially, it's like the food industry using Red #40 which knowingly makes some people sick yet continues to use it but basically says "... well yeah, if you eat it" 

At this point, I was certain that I had enough information to go on as far as getting my customer squared away and after almost three months of bullshit, I was ready to put this thing to bed.
Yet, I still needed to take my findings to Zipp because I still had a pair of white wheels that needed to be fixed. During my talk with them, I remembered an additional incident that had happened during the time I was being given the "silent treatment" and brought that up as a topic for discussion. 

You see, I was not the only one who was using this foaming degreaser in the shop. In fact, it was commonplace for my lovely assistant, Greg to use the product on a regular basis.

Unfortunately, Greg missed the part where all of this was going down and continued with business as usual. Needless to say, I had walked in to work one day and almost from across the room, I saw white streaks on a SRAM wheel. A brand-new, ridden one time, and now clearly discolored, SRAM wheel. When he came back the next day, I asked him what he used to clean the wheel and, well...
I think you know where this is going.

When I started to describe the wheel to the guys at Zipp, they immediately named the exact model of wheel without ever having laid eyes upon it; not because they had seen this before, but because they knew exactly how that wheel was finished and given the recent chain of events, could have picked it out of a line up because, as it happens, it is one of the only wheels in their line up with an anodized finish and no clear coat. 

Needless to say, Zipp was more than happy to take care of this situation to keep the customer happy, whereas Simple Green basically said, "Your customer can piss up a rope.*"

That, my friends is the difference between good service and bad service. It is one thing to defend your position but how you defend it can be the difference between keeping a return customer, and being the subject if some asshole's internet blog.
To be fair, Simple Green can be used safely if you follow the directions. 

(This is very important.)

Again, I have been using it for years and, aside from these two situations which were beyond my control, have never seen any problems with the stuff. Plus, it is at this point that it should be noted that this is not an attempt to get you to stop using the product as I myself plan to continue on as normal. That said, you should be made aware of what they have not yet been willing to say out loud and given this new information, the following steps should be taken to avoid the possibility of damage;

Use mild soap and water when cleaning wheels. ANY wheels. This will accomplish two things; it will effectively clean build up from the wheel and will not leave a residue on the braking surface.
Should you choose to continue to use Simple Green foaming degreaser you should avoid using it on Zipp or SRAM products as some of their products do not use a clear coat. While their literature does not officially state this, that may soon change. Regardless, that is their recommendation.
It goes without saying; If you are going to use degreaser (of ANY type) on a wheel, it should ALWAYS be cleaned from the braking surface using water or rubbing alcohol to avoid contaminating the brake pads. 

Most of this information is not new yet it still seems like this must be said:

Whether it was the use of the product or the misuse...
In the end, it is worth remembering that if they blame you for using a product incorrectly because you were, then they would be right to do so because you are too stupid to follow directions. That does not mean however, that they can treat you like shit for three months and then be on the defensive and act as though you are trying to extort them when they do finally get off their asses and contact you.

 That is how you end up on some dipshit's blog for all the world to see. 

That is how you do customer service wrong.

Back to Business: Your Bike is a Disaster

You didn't think I had gone soft did you?! I know many of my regular readers were probably asking themselves, "who's this clown?" I kid of course, but I assure you that while I am the caring person that wrote the last two posts, I am also the jerk that wrote the other 53. I do this for your betterment you know. Honest! We can't have folks riding around all willy nilly, some just need a little direction.  

Some more than others, but hell, at the end of the day, it's worth it if it helps me sleep at night. 

Though I suppose it wouldn't hurt if Natural Selection took a little off my plate 

and started, well, selecting...

Willy Nilly

You can't fix stupid but you can fix stupid's bike, and it often starts with his quick release skewers. You know, "...those, um, lever things? That hold the like, wheel thing in the bike?"

Yeah, I know the ones:

This makes Hulk sad :(

Invented by none other than Tulio the Great, the quick release was the best way to remove and replace a wheel in a hurry. When people proved too stupid to use them correctly, they became confounded by the introduction of "lawyer lips."

"Lawyer lips or lawyer tabs (a type of positive retention device) are tabs fitted to the fork ends on the front fork of bicycles sold in some countries (particularly the U.S.) to prevent a wheel from leaving the fork if the quick release skewer comes undone. They were introduced in response to lawsuits supported by experts including John Forester, in cases where incorrectly adjusted quick release wheels came out of the forks. Lawyer tabs are designed to compensate for the fact that many riders do not know how to operate a quick release properly: some riders treat them as a folding wing nut, and others do not tighten them enough for fear of snapping them or shearing the skewer"
  
So because some people could not wrap their heads around how to use a device properly (which is as simple as reading the directions), they got hurt and then "lawyered-up." Rather than using the damn things like they were designed, they had to be re-designed (by law) so even the most brain-dead redneck could use them.

...which they still cannot

I see this more often than I care to admit.

...And this is what they get.

  This dude ate shit in the middle of an intersection because his skewer was loose. When he took off, he lifted the bike just enough that the wheel went one way, and the fork went the other. 

BAM!!

Yes, it is true that this fork was made before the advent of "lawyer lips" but I maintain that this could have been avoided had the user simply followed the directions. 

While I can fix Stupid's mistakes, I would rather he didn't make them. 

Please don't be stupid. 

Oops! They Did it Again!

Seat posts: This is what you need to know...

Rule#1: The outside diameter of the post should match the inside diameter of the seat tube.

Rule #2: If it does not match, refer to rule number one.

It's that simple folks. Unless it comes to proper fitting for the bike, like whether or not the post needs to have setback, the only other thing that matters is whether or not it is the correct diameter.

So how does one fuck up a seat post installation? Just ask the clowns at 
[Name Redacted Bike Shop].

At [Name Redacted Bike Shop] the service is terrible, but at least it is affordable! You remember them right? Well, they are at it again, and sadly, the hits keep coming.

From the outside it looks good. So what could possibly be wrong?
Let me count the ways...

Pro Tip: if the edges of the binder touch each other, you are doing it wrong. 

A mix of incorrect binder parts, the wrong size post, and a shim cut to fit
... which it does not. 

That's just the tip of the iceberg. 

Let's start at the beginning; Rule #1: The seat post must be the correct diameter. 

Occasionally you can get away with using a post that is no more than .2 mm (two tenths of a millimeter) smaller in diameter. While that is still considered a no-no, it is why there is a slot cut out in the back of the seat tube, to allow for a slight decrease in diameter when clamping down the post. That is what provides the clamping force. The key term here is slight. 

 Pro Tip: 2mm does NOT equal slight 

Here is where it is important to remember Rule #2: Refer to Rule #1

 If you find yourself fighting the urge to continue beyond this point, 

STOP! Pull your head out of your ass, and go find a proper post. 

Unless of course you work at [Name Redacted Bike Shop] where it is acceptable to install a .5mm (one half millimeter) shim, leaving a gap of 1.5mm.

Then all you have to do is clamp the shit out of the binder until the seat tube deforms. 

Like this.
(Mind you, this was after I bent it back out)

I am still trying to figure out how they add the unique "shark bite" look...

 (Secret of the Pro's I guess ;)

So when [Name Redacted Bike Shop] is done mangling your frame, as a courtesy, they call you to tell you "your bike is finished and ready to pick up."
Only, when you get there and ask for your bike, they look, and look, and keep looking, but can't find it.

Then they realize "OH YEAH! We sent your bike to another guy to have him try to fix it. Sorry, we forgot."*
Then of course the inevitable happens wherein the post keeps sliding down in to the frame until it looks as though you are riding a child's bike.

*I swear this story is true.

YOU ARE SORRY??!! For what? Fucking up my frame? Or for sending it to someone else so they could fuck it up further?
Yeah, they certainly are "sorry." A sorry bunch of talentless hacks. Yet they continue to operate. I still don't understand how considering almost every bad bike story I hear in this area starts with "So... I took it to this other shop..."
and ends with "...yeah, it was [Name Redacted Bike Shop]." 
Where, no shit, their Mission Statement reads:

"Our mission is to provide the highest quality of new and used bicycles to our local cycling community through professional and friendly service."

Right...

"highest quality...professional..."

At least the ride you get taken for is Super Soft.

AHHH

 

We Regret Our Error

First of all, I regret nothing.

I will say however, that I can always admit when I am wrong if the argument is persuasive enough...

(shown with optional "Persuasion Package")

Meet the "User Conflict Eradication Moped Death Machine"

With Ebola in the States now, I imagine it won't be long before the Zombies attack,

 (if my math is correct (which it almost never is) then we have about 14 days left.)

...Soon to be followed by the long awaited "Mad Maxx Times" in which we will no doubt need a bicycle that includes:

"an impressive showcase of some of the finest sharp and pointy things money can buy:

• Barnett Recruit Compound Crossbow
• Rotopax RX-1G Gas Packs – 1 Gallon
• United Cutlery M48 Tactical Survival Shovel
• United Cutlery M48 Hawk Tomahawk
• United Cutlery M48 Hawk Harpoon
• Gerber Fixed Blade Saw
• Blackburn X6 Light System
• Black Diamond Carabiners / Climbing rope
• Cree Mini LED Flashlight
• BioLogic Bike Mount for iPhone4/gps
• Tool Logic Tactical Multifunction Knife / light
• Tool Logic Credit Card Companion multi-tool
• CRKT Guppie multi-tool
• Tactical-Warrior Neck Knife [ed note: not clear if Knife is designed to wear around or insert into Neck]"

As it happens though, sadly, the bike does not come as pictured.

 (Which is too bad because this thing has a deadlier ass than Kim Kardashian)

That means it will require you to customize your own "Zombie-Slaying Mad Maxx Motorized Bicycle Cycle"

"Unfortunately, there is no price for the complete Survival Bike. The $1,999 Motoped Rolling Chassis Kit includes suspension from DNM, an Answer cockpit, and Hayes brakes.  You are on your own for the engine and all the fiddly bits like a throttle and gas tank, but the manufacturer estimates the cost at a mere $535. No word yet on pricing for pictured upgrades like the White Bros fork, or conversion rates from USD to GMO seed, Krugerrands, or any other common barter item."

So you had better get started building yours sooner rather than later as I am sure there will be a run on all the Army Surplus stores as soon as all the rednecks figure out how Ebola is transmitted (here's a hint: it's banging farm animals). 

"The virus may be acquired upon contact with blood or bodily fluids of an infected animal (commonly monkeys or fruit bats)"

Bat bites monkey, monkey humps deer, farmer bumps into deer at a bar...bing bang, boom... we are fucked.

While I joke, that shit is real, and is in the US now. Contained as it may be, this would not be the first case in which something really deadly, that was pretty well under control, escaped in Atlanta. What a retarded idea to begin with..."let's bring infected people over the ocean so we can "treat them" at home." There is no cure and it has killed over 50% of the people who have contracted it. Yet we brought it on to our soil. Yeah, just what I have come to expect from the minds that brought us this:

  

Be afraid people. Be very afraid.

Get your damn bike ready because you will need it.

Do It Yourself: You are doing it wrong

There is a great feeling of accomplishment that comes over a person when they devise and execute a solution to a problem. A sense of pride for a job well done is natural. Pride however, is its own stumbling block for most, as the path to Hell is paved with the best intentions.

As you can't be proud of shit like this...

(Photo credit: Shaun Sweeney)

Indeed, for the bike mechanic, the path is paved with every homemade solution to all of life's bike problems.

For the unfamiliar, let's break this image down:

First, you have a stem that is too large to fit in a smaller diameter steer tube.

Then you have this guy:

Who figures, "fuck it, I have a lathe and some free time."

  I can only imagine that this was his logic behind the next step which was: machine that sucker down to the proper diameter. To the lay person that may seem okay. In all honesty, it might have worked had Mr. Doityourself payed attention to one very important thing...

 "Across this line, YOU DO NOT!!!"

A line called "Max Height" or "Minimum Insertion," if you want it to sound dirty.

 (bike porn of the Insertion variety ;)

 How ever you slice it, the stem has got to be in the bike to at least that line. Period.

That means it is in the bike far enough that wedge can expand and hold the bars securely. 

If not observed, the rocking back-and-forth motion on the bars will fatigue the stem enough that it simply shears off...

 ...then you look like this in front of your friends...

(you suck)

What's more is that machining away material that is integral to your safety and well-being is in itself, risky at best. Machining it away below that line and sitting back exclaiming "good enough for who it's for!" Is just asking for disaster. 
 Meaning, if the dude had turned the stem down to the smaller diameter to a point above minimum insertion, it may have had a chance. But it didn't have a chance because the idea itself was fucked to begin with.

Kinda like building your own axle. Don't have an axle nut? Jam a fucking checker in there...

"King Me"

Yes, even checkers have been ruined for me because you were too lazy to get the right parts or a new wheel. I wish I had taken a picture of the internal parts as there was literally a BOTTLE CAP jammed into the hub to serve as the bearing race. Seriously. I wish I were kidding. Remember when I said I had seen the "most cobbled together assembly of a major bearing system..."?
I was wrong. 

...and I am losing faith in you.