Wednesday, August 19, 2015

"Let's Put This Thing to Bed:" songs by Issac Hayes

Yes it has been a while since the last update but rest assured the stupidity continues to run rampant within the cycling community.

You remember this, right?

As it turns out, installing an adapter-style rear derailleur is rocket surgery and someone in this town is clearly NOT a rocket surgeon, or at the very least... a really shitty one.

(well, I can make a rocket "work...")

Now, while I can assume that this came from [Name Redacted Bike Shop] I cannot be sure. That said, it certainly looks like some shit that they would do. While I can make assumptions all day about where it came from or complain at length at the fact that there are assholes in this town taking peoples money for shoddy workmanship I suppose I should, in the interest of educating rather than lambasting, explain once and for all EXACTLY how this thing is supposed to go. Seeing as I have already done this twice before, I expect that it will once again go over like a led zeppelin but regardless, this issue needs to be addressed so pay attention.

First, why is this one above incorrect?

Glad you asked. (First, scroll up and look again) 
From a technician's standpoint it is obvious that a part is out of place and another part has been added to take up space; a job I might add, it did terribly as it is clear that the hanger has been bent during installation. Upon further investigation I find myself asking "why did you bother with that fastener and spacer anyway? I mean, if you just removed them both wouldn't the hanger at least sit flush to the frame? ...and would it not be just as "hard as fuck" to align the derailleur, the frame, and the axle... all at the same time?
...dumb ass?"

When I began this post, this was a point that I easily missed to be honest. Given the sort of jackassery I was looking at, my feeble mind could not begin to comprehend how to incorrectly correct the mistake that was made by someone doing it incorrectly (read: you're doing it WRONG).

Anyway, I am only here to help so with that in mind...

You have these three parts. They only go together one way*. The big one is called a rear derailleur and the big claw looking thingy on the end of it is, for lack of a better term, the derailleur hanger (there is a difference in both vintage and modern types, but that amount of technical speak can only be covered in my forthcoming novel entitled "What's the Difference? - Derailleur Hangers and YOU."

*important shit

Then you have the other two parts; they go together like peas and carrots. So much so that when combined with the third part, they make sweet, sweet, music together. (Seriously, click that link, then read on at the same time, this might get a little sexy)

Bringing up the rear in this Menage a Trois is this female threaded piece which has a rounded end that fits so perfectly in this dropout, you could only describe metaphorically using two spoons.

You cannot unsee this... I have tried

The filling in this Double Stuff Oreo is the hanger, not only does it hold the damn derailleur on the bike but aligned properly, serves as a guide for the insertion of the wheel's axle. If it's crooked, it just won't go in. 

A)....*important shit, and 

B) That's what she said!

The money shot.

This one steps in and WHAM! This literally... {innuendo redacted} and makes the whole thing happy. Seriously, you put that bolt into that nut and these steps can save you time and resources (considering this build had ALL of the required items but was STILL somehow, fucked up) and not to mention a headache.

With it securely in place...
It goes like this 

Every time. 

...Even if some ass hat drilled a hole in your frame. 

...and Isaac Hayes is still singing, isn't he? 



...but seriously